I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
