I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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