I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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