Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
