What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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