Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
