So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
