Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
