ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You are the jesus of drinking
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
