i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
