the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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