I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
