i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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