I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
