THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
