I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Green mimosas i think yes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
