Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
