She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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