What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
