4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
