At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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