You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
