smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
