My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
