I'm drive I can fine osifer
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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