i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
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