A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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