I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
