I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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