For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
