his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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