I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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