this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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