break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
