dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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