please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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