nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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