why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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