I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
