I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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