There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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