Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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