Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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