So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
