'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
