just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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