it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
