omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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