Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
