He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
