im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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