I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
