Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
