Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many bounce houses so little time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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