Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
