Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
