doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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