oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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