Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Randomize
