Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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