you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
