I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're a waste of cheezeits
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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