another moral hangover. fuck.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
