Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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